“How was your night?” Daniel asked, yawning with fake cheerfulness. He’d stormed off when Dorough had been talking to Amy the night before. He was hoping that she’d forget. Amy turned to him, a look on her face he couldn’t interpret.
“Not now, Daniel. I’m tired.”
“Not now, what? All I said was how was your night. Forget it. Dorough is talking to you again so I’m not interesting anymore?” He said with a bite.
“No.” She sighed and stormed past him heading to the on-call room. It was occupied so her dramatic exit lost its effect when she reappeared five seconds later.
“What the hell is wrong?” Daniel asked sounding more like the guy she started to get to know, but who she was becoming unsure of again. Nate had said something that had set some serious alarms off in her head.
“What’s wrong is my patient was beaten literally within inches of her life and no one has come for her.”
“What sucks is recognizing that you’re just like her. She has Nate, has her, my sister has my mom, my dad thank the Lord, is long gone. I am just as alone as that poor girl and I don’t even remember letting it happen. If I’m ever in an accident I’ll be just like her; in pain, afraid, and alone.”
“That’s not true, Amy” he pleaded his voice hush so that anyone passing by the hallway wouldn’t hear them.
“It’s fine. I’m not feeling sorry for myself… I’m just… evaluating.”
“I may not mean that much to you but you mean something to me.”
” Then why did you lie to me?”
“I am really sorry about that. I really am. I should’ve told you I was married but there was never the right time and I swear that there’s nothing…”
“Not that you idiot. You lied to me and Nate for that matter. You made me think we slept together only I don’t remember it so either you are really boring lay or it never happened.”
Daniel looked at the floor the blood suddenly rushing to his ears. Their first night together, the night she called him up hammered out of her mind had been months ago. She had cried and then thrown herself at him though he was sure she’d deny remembering that too. She’d angered him, toying with him in one breath and crying over Nate in the next. He hadn’t actually planned on lying to her but she had been such a bitch the next day and she’d filled in the blanks for herself. He’d just gone along with it.
The whole truth was that he’d been conflicted about it. She was drunk which in itself was a recipe for a date rape accusation, even though she’d been the one coming on to him. When her sobriety began to return somewhere in the middle of the night, he couldn’t do it. He’d ended up pleasuring her while she moaned and clawed at his shoulders muttering about Nate. It had been humiliating and his only saving grace was that she’d seemed to have blocked it all from her memory.
“It’s not like nothing happened and for the record, I never told Nate or anyone else that we had sex.”
“No, but you insinuated. Do you realize that may have been the thing that ruined it forever?”
“Of course that’s what this is about,” Daniel said, quietly. He’d been an ass. He knew it but things were different now, weren’t they?
“Just tell me the truth about what happened between us. Tell me I’m not crazy or such a drunk that I blocked a whole night of my life.”
“For the record, you called me. I didn’t go over to your house for that. You came on to me. Also, I didn’t really know, until after that how much you were hurting. I thought you were with Dorko for other reasons.” he argued and then corrected himself when she shot him a look. “Sorry, Dorough.”
“Oh, really,” she started to simmer. “Reasons, like what?”
“I don’t know? You always got all of the cush cardio cases. Everyone noticed that…” That was a lie. Not everyone noticed, just Daniel. She’d been first choice for Chief Resident, only she wasn’t interested. Daniel was the only one who knew that, besides the amazing Dr. Dorough, and Daniel was the only one who had had a complex about Amy. He was an idiot to think that things could be different between them.
“Excuse me? I get the good cases because I’m fucking good at what I do! Nate never did me any favors!” He hadn’t, had he?
“I’m sorry,” Daniel back peddled. “All I’m saying is that I didn’t know, okay? Not until that night anyway, that you really loved him. I thought you were just an ass kiss and that you were sleeping with him…”
“to get ahead?,” she growled. “Is that what you were going say?” Her face was hot.
He nodded carefully. “Amy, I messed up. A lot and not just with you…”
“Please, I don’t want to hear it. I deserve so much better than this.”
“You do,’ Daniel agreed. “Your problem is that you can say the words, but you don’t actually believe them.”
“Don’t try to flip this on me. You pretended we did something we didn’t do and you made Nate think… oh shit…you told an Attending…” her wheels were turning.
“What?” Daniel spat, clearly confused.
“You took advantage of a situation, one that I started, sure. But then you told our superior with the intent to hurt me or my career, I’m not sure which. I could file sexual harassment charges or…” she stopped in her tracks. Could she go through with it? And the question was, did Daniel even deserve it.
“You could.” Daniel said, quietly. “And you might make it stick. I made a mistake. I’m asking you to forgive me. Please.”
Amy looked at him, really looked in his eyes for the first time that night. He looked tired and scared that she’d go through with her threat. She wouldn’t. She knew she wouldn’t. That was the old Amy or at least the person she wanted to be the old Amy. “No,” she began. “I mean, yes, I’ll forgive you and no, I’m not going to retaliate. But you are going to make this up to me somehow.”
“I will and I’ll tell Nate if you want,” Daniel promised.
“No, I’ll tell him…maybe.” she smiled weakly. “I’m going to ask you a question and I expect you to tell me the truth.”
“You can’t do it can you?”
“Your wife, you said she bit you. Are you…you know…”
“Impotent? Hell no!” Daniel argued defensively. Then more quietly. “I have some residual nerve damage but it works, I promise. Now you tell me something.”
Amy flustered and then answered, “What?”
“You still love him?”
Amy shrugged. “Yeah. I think I do. Either that or I’m just used to the idea and don’t know how to let it go. When he looks at me, over a surgical mask and all I can see are his eyes, my skin prickles and I feel like I can’t breathe. It’s not good for me, I know it but I’m not ready to stop. Not yet.”
“Okay,” Daniel began but was interrupted by a text. “I have to go. I promised to call my daughter tonight if it was quiet enough.”
“Soooo, that’s all okay, then?” Amy asked, studying Daniel. He could be such a dick and then he mentioned Adelina and he was a different person; likeable and cute.
“No, something is up and I can’t figure it out but for now I’m getting to talk to her. I’m getting two calls a week if my schedule permits and I’m just trying not to rock the boat. I’m hoping my lovely wife to agree to let me come visit in a month.”
Lovely wife, Amy thought. It stung, for no real reason. “Alright, I’m going to go sit with Amanda for awhile. I don’t think I can sleep right now anyway. I don’t want her to feel alone.”